


i love you, let's try again

by dracometria



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, a tiny bit of angst, soft, sookai, trainee era mentioned, txt members mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracometria/pseuds/dracometria
Summary: Kai misses Soobin, back when they were enough for each other.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 18
Kudos: 119





	i love you, let's try again

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write something fluffy 🥺👉👈 inspired by how kai pouts sometimes when the other members ruffle his hair

All of the members know that Kai usually wears a hoodie whenever he deems his hair unfit to be seen, Soobin especially. However, it’s also Soobin who likes to pull his hood back just so he can ruffle his hair and mess it up even more. 

It’s annoying, actually, because then he has to fix his bangs and really that’s the worst part about having longer hair. Kai tolerates Soobin doing it for the most part, pouting or moving away whenever it gets too much. The older always coos at him after, usually with some variation of _“So cute, Hueningie,”_ so Kai doesn’t have the heart to be irritated. 

...However, it’s truly getting to the point where Soobin is messing with his hair too often. 

So the next time Soobin leans in to touch his hair, Kai keeps a tight grip on his hood and kisses the older. It’s just a short peck fueled by impulse and bad decision-making, but somehow, it manages to bring up memories of their trainee days anyway, back when they had more freedom to do what they wanted, back when there were stolen kisses between practices and shared meals and in the quiet silence of the early morning hours, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. 

Soobin gasps, briefly drawing the other members’ attention before he waves them off. 

They’re not filming today so there aren’t any cameras, and everyone else was distracted with watching their practice on Beomgyu’s phone. The situation presented Kai with a perfect opportunity, and he took it. 

It’s been what, a year almost? 

“Hyung, I’ll do that whenever you mess up my hair again.” 

And true to his word, the next time Soobin does it out of habit, Kai kisses him again, though he’s careful to angle them away from the other members so that they don’t see. Soobin looked dazed, as if he hadn’t expected it. 

Soobin is careful after that. Kai is probably imagining the flicker of hurt in his eyes.

* * *

The next time it happens is when they’re on V LIVE and definitely on accident, so Kai plays off their tension for the camera, but once the live ends, he makes an excuse to tug Soobin out of their practice room and into an unoccupied one. He presses Soobin against the door, who looks half resigned, half anticipatory. 

Out of sight like this, Kai shouldn’t be surprised that Soobin kisses back, his hand cupping Kai’s cheek as he tilts his head to slot their lips together just right, soft and achingly familiar. 

Kai misses Soobin, back when they were enough for each other. 

Now he loves Yeonjun and Beomgyu and Taehyun almost as much as he had loved Soobin _(You still love him,_ his mind whispers). That small dream with Soobin was worth giving up for _their_ dream, for the five of them to continue together into the next day, and the next, and the next. 

They break apart reluctantly. 

“We shouldn’t do this anymore,” Soobin says, an echo of his words in the past, and the overlap is so sharp, so painful that Kai can’t even respond immediately.

“Yeah,” Kai eventually says, looking down at his feet, stomach twisting with regret. “I’ll stop.” 

Soobin looks disappointed, but maybe Kai has lost his touch with reading his emotions. 

The older reaches out to hold his hand, but Kai moves and opens the door behind Soobin instead. 

“Back to practice, hyung,” he says with false cheerfulness, a mask that will fool everyone else but Soobin.

 _Back to practice,_ Soobin thinks defeatedly as he watches Kai’s retreating back, _back to work. Back to their dream._

* * *

Kai deals with his feelings the way that has always worked best—he pretends they don’t exist. He doesn’t think. He pushes himself until he’s so tired that there’s nothing else he can do but fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow. There’s a flurry of activity now that their comeback has been scheduled, and they’re always busy.

There’s—the box, and Soobin looking desperate as he slams his fist against the glass—then the tears, too real to have been faked, and Kai wants to ask him _what memory,_ because Soobin had never cried back then. 

One of the curious staff members asks him, and when Soobin looks at him as he answers, “The worst moment of my life,” Kai wrenches his gaze away.

They obviously don’t share the same ‘worst moment.’ 

* * *

Kai thinks it’s a mistake when Soobin joins him on the balcony. It’s six in the morning, and the sun is just barely cresting over the horizon. 

Soobin doesn’t wake up early anymore. They haven’t shared a sunrise, just the two of them, for over a year. 

“You’re up early.” 

“Didn’t sleep,” Soobin answers, and Kai smiles affectionately as he pinches his cheek. 

“You should go to bed,” Kai says, “Or else you won’t be able to keep up today.” 

Soobin surprises him by grasping his wrist, holding his hand there. 

“There are a lot of things I should do.” 

Kai doesn’t look at him, turning back to the sunrise. “Like what?” 

He feels Soobin’s hand slide up his wrist, feels the hesitation before Soobin laces their fingers together. 

“I was thinking—” 

“That’s your first mistake.” 

Soobin chuckles before continuing. “You know yesterday, when we were filming for the trailer? And someone asked what memory I used for the crying scene?”

“Yes.” Kai gets the feeling that whether or not he responded, Soobin would have said his piece anyway. 

“I was thinking,” and Kai can hear the tiredness creep into his voice, “About you, and how I wasn’t brave enough. Twice.” 

Kai doesn’t say anything, heart on a precipice. 

“Hueningie, look at me.” 

And Kai does, even though he’s afraid that once he does, the moment will break and they’ll go back to TXT’s Hueningkai and TXT’s Soobin. 

Soobin’s eyes are wet, and Kai bites his lip at the irony of how they traded places, because after all, one of the reasons why Kai doesn’t cry anymore is because he’d done enough of it in the past, heartbreak and exhaustion reinforcing his iron grip over his emotions.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give us a chance. I’m sorry that I thought we’d be okay, even though I couldn’t stop thinking of you after we broke up. I’m sorry I prioritized being a good leader over you, and I’m sorry that I never got to tell you that I loved you. And that I love you still.” His words are tumbling out like if he doesn’t get them out fast enough, he’ll never be able to say them at all. 

Kai hasn’t cried in over a year, and he blinks hard when he feels the telltale pressure building up behind his eyes. 

“W-We weren’t even together, idiot,” Kai says with a wobbly smile. “Thanks, I guess.” He’s confused when Soobin’s face falls, the grip around his hand tightening. “What’s wrong?” 

“Did you ever love me?” 

Kai lets out an awe-inspiring string of curses, ending with, “Are you stupid, hyung? Of course I loved you, and still love you even though I tried to stop.” 

He would laugh at how clearly shocked Soobin is with his language, but he freezes instead when Soobin murmurs, “Please don’t stop,” and gathers him in his arms, like he’s the most precious thing in the world. 

It always amazes Kai how capable Soobin is at showing emotion with his whole body, the way he shudders against him, how his head is tucked tightly against Kai’s neck, the way his arms hold him tightly as if to prevent him from running away.

“I was wrong, so please,” and Kai thinks he feels wetness on the back of his shirt, “I love you, let’s try again.” 

“What about the others?” Even though he feels hope rising in his chest, even though he thinks he’s crying from the sheer relief— _it’s their dream too._

“We’ll do our best,” Soobin responds, straightening up as he draws back to look at Kai. He looks determined, although his expression instantly turns to one of dismay when he sees the tear tracks on Kai’s face. He hurriedly wipes them away with his thumbs. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Hueningie I’m so so sorry—” 

“Soobinie, stop,” Kai whines before pushing Soobin back into their dorm, quickly closing the door and shutting the curtains behind them. 

“Oh my god _,_ I made you cry—”

The most effective way of shutting Soobin up has always been to kiss him, and Kai finds this fact to hold true even now. 

“Can I kiss you again?” Soobin asks after they part. They’re both a little breathless.

“If you say it.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Their foreheads press together, and Soobin can’t resist ruffling Kai’s hair.

“I can do this now, right?” he says innocently. 

“In your dreams.” Kai pouts, but Soobin kisses him again, and he forgets to be annoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> any requests/prompts to <https://curiouscat.me/dracometria> ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )
> 
> ningdungies win, kai posted today >3<♡!!! ngl i'm emotional so i kind of teared up writing this why am i so weak ٩( ᐛ )و


End file.
